You're a good mum

You may (or may not) have seen the post floating around facebook that is addressed 'To the mom who is...' it goes on to list things that mums do and affirming those choices, whether they are to breastfeed or bottle feed, cloth diaper or disposable diaper. I both love and hate this post. I love it because at heart, it's right. There are so many different ways to be a good parent that it's impossible to pick one or two aspects and use them to measure your success as a parent. Judging other parental choices is fairly arbitrary and doesn't actually help us support each other. So kudos for writing this.

I dislike this post because even though it talks about accepting certain parenting choices, it still frames those choices in a way that manages to still exclude a whole spectrum of parenting values that are just as valid. Sometimes parenting isn't just about breastfeeding versus formula feeding or happy meals vs organic meals. There is more to it than that, and by omission this post actually does more to exclude some parenting options than it does to support all parenting choices. I am fully aware that this post was more than likely written entirely from someone's personal perspective, so of course they are going to post about what is relevant to them, and that's okay. But  I've decided to do my own version in response. I hope you like it.


I apologise in advance for this being addressed to mums, I appreciate that most of these things are a parental issue not necessarily just a maternal issue. But I wanted to keep it simple. So where it says 'mum' you can simply assume that dad or parent would work just as well.


To the mum who’s breastfeeding: Awesome work mama, breastfeeding is valuable, to you and your baby and any length of time that you manage between you is phenomenal. Whether that is 4 days or 4 years. You’re an awesome mum

To the mum who’s bottlefeeding: Awesome work mama, you’re feeding your baby, and whether that’s expressed breastmilk, formula or donor milk, you’re doing an amazing job and your baby values those close moments. You’re an awesome mum.

To the cloth nappy mama: Cloth nappies are just so darn cute, the environment and your baby’s bum thank you. Stunning work, you’re a good mum.

To the sposie mama: Laundry is tough work and skipping the extra loads frees up time to be with your baby. Stunning work, you’re a good mum.

To the stay at home mum: You’re doing a 24/7 job with no sick days or holidays, but your boss loves you and even though the going can get tough, you’re up to the task. The time you spend now is so valuable. You’re a great mum

To the working mum: Being away from your babies can be tough sometimes but you still rock it. You may not be at home as much but you make it count, your children value your contribution to the family and your house is filled with love. You’re a great mum.

To the co-sleeping mum: Holding your baby close is an amazing way to nurture them at a physiological and emotional level, those close times during sleep will be with them their whole lives. What am amazing gift you are sharing. You’re a good mum.

To the cot-sleeping mum: You’ve made a special space for your baby to sleep, as you settle them gently to sleep each night they can feel your love, they know if they call out you’ll be there to give comfort if they need it. What a lovely sleep space you’ve got. You’re a good mum.

To the comfort suckling mum: It’s wonderful that you can provide your baby’s emotional and physical need to suckle at the breast. You’re a good mum.

To the pacifier mum: Sometimes your baby wants to suckle for comfort but doesn’t want or need a feed, a dummy is a great option for those moments. You’re a good mum.

To the baby led weaning mum: What a great idea, feeding your baby whole foods and in a natural form is an excellent way to introduce them to food when they are developmentally ready. You’re a good mum

To the puree mum: Pureed food introduced at the right time is a lovely way to be engaged in feeding your baby. You can sneak so many good things into those purees too. You’re a good mum.

To the babywearing mum: Babywearing is an amazing way to hold your baby close and still get on with life. It’s the best of both worlds, enjoy it while it lasts! You’re a good mum

To the stroller using mum: Strollers are an amazing way for both of you to get out of the house and enjoy the outdoors. Have fun on your adventures. You’re a good mum

To the whole food mum: Phenomenal, you have made an effort to feed your child the best possible food within your family budget and they will get value from that throughout their life. You’re a good mum.

To the quick meals mum: You do the best with what you have, sometimes there is not enough time in the day to make the food you’d choose to if you had unlimited time and money. And you know what, even though you’re pushed for time those kids are fed and nourished. You’re a good mum.

To the vaccinating mum: Good work, you’ve made an informed decision and it is the right decision for your family. You’re a good mum

To the non vaccinating mum: Good work, you’ve made an informed decision and it is the right decision for your family. You’re a good mum

To the smacking, shaming, emotionally neglectful, circumcising (medical circumcisions excluded) parent. Being a parent is hard. It's hard to always do the right thing or make the right decision. It's okay to make mistakes and move past them. It's okay to do some more research to understand why these things are harmful. Forgive yourself and move forwards. If you ask, your child will forgive you too.

Why Everybody Hates Breastfeeders

Mislactony is probably a word you had never heard of, but I’ll bet you have heard of misogyny.

Misogyny is: Misogyny (pron :mi-soj-uh-nee) is:

The hatred or dislike of women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including sexual discrimination, denigration of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women.

Mislactony is a word I made up, (What? You can do that???) sure, why not.

Mislactony: (pron.:/ mis-lak-tuh-nee is:The hatred or dislike of breastfeeding. Mislactony can be manifested in numerous ways including discrimination against breastfeeding women, denigration of breastfeeding and women who breastfeed, violence (verbal or otherwise) against women who breastfeed and the sexual objectification of women in such a way that interferes with breastfeeding.

I made up this word because I believe there is a singular culture that sits alongside misogyny and it is the process whereby breastfeeding women and advocates are denigrated, undermined, treated with verbal violence, objectified, sexualised and discriminated against.

Some of you reading this will take this as a cue to roll your eyes. No WAY you think, breastfeeding women have it ALL, not only do they think they are gods gift to human kind, but they are smug know it alls that get government support AND a bigger cup size. How dare they complain?

But the truth of the matter is that women who breastfeed are still in the minority, the WHO advises that less than 40% of infants less than six months of age are exclusively breastfed worldwide. When you look at figures at 12 months and 2 years, breastfeeding becomes very niche indeed. Women who breastfeed are still excluded from basic rights such as fair employment or being allowed to eat in public. Breastfeeding is still both actively and passively undermined, and people who advocate for breastfeeding are still openly criticised and bullied.

There are people who actively hate breastfeeding and all boob kind and there are people who undermine breastfeeding while at the same time purporting to support it. For many women the pressure to not breastfeed is strong and sometimes it is relentless.

Despite all of this, many people still think that breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocacy is a sanctimonious and blessed pastime reserved only for the self indulgent, privileged or the very stubborn.

 So what does mislactony look like? A lot like misogyny

Control of attire: When women are told how much or how little they can wear, or what style of clothing they can wear, this is misogyny. When a breastfeeding woman is told to ‘cover up’ ‘feed discretely’ or be ‘modest’ this is mislactony.

Reduced rights in employment: When women are excluded from employment or receive lesser pay or prestige based on their sex, this is misogyny. When a breastfeeding woman is refused employment or she experiences discrimination based on her lactation status, this is mislactony. In NZ 38% of all women who stop breastfeeding at 3 months, do so because they must return to work.

Socially acceptable derogatory terms:  When a woman is called a feminazi, bull dyke lezzo or butch bulldog for requesting equal rights, this is misogyny. When a lactivist is called ‘the breastapo’ or a ‘BF Nazi’ or a ‘tit hitler’ for requesting equal rights, this is mislactony.

Body autonomy: When a woman is not afforded the rights to her own body this is misogyny. When a breastfeeding woman is told that her breasts are for her husband, or that she is simply not allowed to breastfeed, this is mislactony.

Derogatory terms based on sex: When a woman is called a bitch, a slut, a whore, a witch or other gender based insults, this is misogyny. When a breastfeeding woman is called a cow or similar based on the function of her breasts, this is mislactony.

Control of basic day to day activities: When a woman is prevented from leaving the house, is not permitted to drive or perform other normal day to day activities, this is misogyny. When a breastfeeding woman is told to ‘stay at home’ to feed their baby or ‘express to feed’ or simply to bottlefeed rather than feed in public, this is mislactony.

Denigration of specifically female functions: When women are degraded based on their physical attributes or their sex, this is misogyny. When a breastfeeding woman has the act of breastfeeding compared to defecating, urinating or other acts that are considered unpleasant this is mislactony.

Controlling of how we manifest: When women are told how to behave to meet certain societal expectations of sexiness, attractiveness and modesty, this is misogyny. When breastfeeding women are told how they must breastfeed, how long they must breastfeed, when they must breastfeed. This is mislactony.

When support systems are removed: When support networks or systems that are essential to women specifically, such as rape crisis, fertility support and women’s refuge are removed, maligned or attacked, this is misogyny. When support systems such as volunteer service La Leche League are attacked or there is limited access to medical staff who are trained in lactation support, not enough lactation consultants or even medical staff who actively undermine breastfeeding, this is mislactony.

 When advocacy is shut down: When women who talk about feminism or womens rights are shut down using predictable rhetoric such as accusations of misandry or man hating. This is misogyny. When breastfeeding women who advocate for breastfeeding are shut down with predictable rhetoric such as accusing them of hating on formula feeding mums, this is mislactony.

When inherent abilities are undermined: When women are told they are inferior simply on the basis of their sex, this is misogyny. When breastfeeding women are told that their milk is inadequate, runs out of goodness or that their breasts are inadequate, this is mislactony.

Sexual double standards: When women are judged based on their sexuality in ways that men are not, or are required to be both sexy and virginal at the same time, this is misogyny. When women who are breastfeeding are told to keep their breasts concealed, that no one needs to see that or that they are disgusting and getting a thrill from feeding their child, while at the same time we have breasts plastered all over our malls, billboards and magazines and sex is used to advertise almost everything under the sun, this is mislactony.

I know that to many of you a lot of these seem extreme or tenuous, but the thing is, they are not. These are real incidents and they happen on a daily basis. If we want to give every woman a chance to best meet her breastfeeding goals, it is not to tell them how breast is best, or how bad formula is. It is simply to stop all the mislactony!

Galactagogues

When Heracles was a baby his father Zeus took him from his mortal mother Alcmene and let him nurse at his wife Hera’s breast while she was sleeping. When she awoke she thrust the infant Heracles from her in a rage and milk flooded the night skies, thus creating the milky way. The Greek name for galaxy Γαλαξίας or Galaxias is derived from the word for milk, gala. The theme of milk is not isolated to Greek mythology, the Romans, Egyptians and even older Greek stories all have some reference to milk, whether it be from the gods or astral cows.

And galaxy is where we get the term ‘galactagogue’ from. Galactagogues, or lactogenic herbs are supplements that are said to increase milk supply. As you can imagine, in a society where ‘low supply’ is one of the key reasons for the end of a breastfeeding relationship, galactagogues are in high demand.

Rubens, Birth of the Milky Way

I follow a lot of breastfeeding support pages and not a day goes by where someone doesn’t ask about supplements to boost their supply or offer some secret recipe that will guarantee more milk. These posts always make me sigh, it’s not that I don’t love breastfeeding support. It’s just that no matter how well placed these suggestions are they can just be one more booby trap interfering with the breastfeeding relationship.


That’s not to say that these remedies don’t work, some of them can be very efficacious. But if you have the basics wrong then no galactagogue on earth will successfully increase your supply in the long term. So if someone tries every galactagogue under the sun but doesn't fix a poor latch, then they are destined to fail and that can be really hard on nursing mamas.

So before we dive in to taking supplements the first thing we need to do is establish any obstacles to supply. Common obstacles are having a caesarian birth pre labour, reduced skin to skin contact, early routines, reduced breast stimulation, timed feeds, poor latch, certain medications, lack of sleep, stress and poor support.

Routines


Some of these things are easy to resolve, for example if you are engaging in a strict routine or timing breastfeeds then taking a step back and letting baby dictate the pattern will help immeasurably. If baby can’t dictate supply then supply will drop, unlimited access to the breast, especially in the first 72 hrs is one key factor to ensuring supply meets demand. The sooner baby gets to the breast after birth is also an indicator. If you have a surgical birth it’s important to push for contact with your baby as soon as is possible. If nothing prevents you, immediate skin to skin for at least 90 minutes and longer is ideal. Kangaroo care for premature babies whenever possible is gold standard even if they cannot nurse.


Stress


Stress is another obstacle. Contrary to popular belief stress does not explicitly affect supply but it does inhibit let down and loss of supply can be a secondary effect. If mum is stressed out and tired then a roster of drop off meals, friendly helpers and house tidiers would be ideal. A supportive partner even more so. A shoulder rub, foot soak or relaxing bath can help relieve the stress and release the hormones responsible for milk production and let down. Someone to bring you snacks and drinks of water can take the pressure off and simply taking time to breathe and be mindful can take you out of the stress loop. Remembering that your first and only task is to provide for your baby, can help you re-prioritise.


Touch

If you are doing a lot of tight swaddling, sleeping baby alone and limited carrying or holding of baby then you both might be experiencing a lack of skin to skin contact which will inhibit milk production. The reason for this is twofold, first off skin to skin contact releases oxytocin which is not only the bonding hormone but is responsible for let-down. Secondly babies naturally know how to build supply by kneading, massaging, pummeling and stroking the breast. If they are swaddled tightly or have reduced physical access to the breast then this can limit their ability to maintain supply. I often think of babies as little milk farmers, they know how to nurture their ‘crop’ of milk.  Taking a ‘babymoon’ in bed with baby for even a couple of days can help immeasurably. Wrapping baby close to the chest without clothes on, or even giving safe co-sleeping a go will help boost oxytocin levels and help mum become more responsive to baby’s cues. Skin to skin is even more vitally important for mums who have had medical births or pre-labour caesarians.

Medicines

Your Doctor may not be up to date on how certain medications affect breastfeeding and some over the counter drugs can inhibit supply as well, especially some painkillers, hayfever, or cold and flu meds. Before taking anything, contacting your local La Leche group is a good idea. They have access to documentation on a huge variety of medications and can let you know which ones to avoid. They can also let you know which medications are safe. Often mothers are told to end breastfeeding simply because a health professional is not sure about the effects of a medicine they wish to prescribe, when another medicine will do perfectly adequately or the the medicine is in fact safe.


Latch


The most common issue with poor supply is related to latch, indications of a bad latch can be pain during feeds, a damaged or flattened nipple when the feeds end, a frustrated baby who doesn’t fall into a good suck suck swallow pattern and long feeds that end with a still hungry baby. Latch is vital because if the breast isn’t being emptied then milk production falls and baby gets hungrier and hungrier and in the earlier days they can become weaker very quickly. If you suspect your latch is not great then seek help, a friend who has a lot of breastfeeding experience is a good start but you will get the most knowledgeable support from a La Leche leader or Lactation consultant. Dr JackNewman has some great videos on the topic and also covers breast compressions which help immeasurably.



Medical Conditions


 There are other reasons for low supply including PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), IGT (insufficient glandular tissue), thyroid issues and breast surgery. If you have a more complex issue going on then it’s really important you have a health professional assisting you. These conditions don’t rule out breastfeeding but you will need a lot of support and perseverance. A naturopath can help in some instances and if supplementary feeding is happening then using a tube feeding system is your best bet for nurturing supply. Again your local La Leche organisation will have a host of resources that can help you along.


Once you have ruled out all of the above and you would still like to boost supply then the following galactagogues can help. It might be that upon facing one of the difficulties above your supply needs help getting back up or it may be that you want to pump for future supply or simply want a little help to meet demand. Some people will use lactogenic herbs to bring in supply for adoptive feeding or to help keep supply up for a premature or preterm baby. It’s important to realise that different women will respond differently to the many options available so what works really well for one person may not be so effective for another. It’s worth trying a few things.


Fennel Foeniculum vulgare:  Fennel does not directly affect your supply but it does improve your ‘let down’ it is perfect for the four o’clock fuss, stressed mums or babies who experience sore tummies, as it is also carminative. Great for mums who find it hard to express due to let down issues. You can get it as a tincture from an herbalist, or make your own tea or decoction with fennel seeds. You can find them at most organic, health or ethnic stores. Twinings also make a tasty fennel tea which is pricey but convenient. Fennel tea is a great ‘go to’ for new mums who aren’t having supply issues but want a soothing tea that facilitates breastfeeding.


Safe in pregnancy? Not in high doses. Tea is fine


Fenugreek Trigonella foenum-graecum: Fenugreek is one of the most common galactagogues and can be purchased in capsule form. Doses usually have to be quite high (3 grams + a day) for it to be effective but once supply is boosted you can stop taking them providing breast stimulation is sufficient. Taking lots of fenugreek can make you smell like maple syrup and may cause a sore tummy in some people if taken in very large doses. It’s important to note that even though Fenugreek is considered very safe, that in the large doses recommended for increasing milk supply it is not recommended during pregnancy.

Safe in pregnancy? No

Oats Avena sativa: Oats support lactation and aside from that, are a nutritious powerhouse that will help stabilise blood sugars. Found in a bowl of porridge near you

Safe in pregnancy? Yes

Dark beer: When my mum gave birth in Ireland she was given a pint of Guinness to bring her milk in. While I don’t suggest mothers glug down beer to support breastfeeding a small glass of an eveningwon’t hurt. Normally alcohol inhibits letdown but the beta-glucan in the malt, brewers yeast and hops all have a lactogenic effect which means dark beer can act as a galactagogue. But if you prefer not to be a lush you can get brewers yeast, malt and hops individually and take them as supplements. Be wary though, too many hops can make you drowsy!  Light beers will not work. For more information on how beer works as a galactagogue I highly recommend this blog, the lactogenic diet.

Safe in pregnancy? Not recommended


Brewers yeast Saccharomyces cerevisiae: This is often seen as an ingredient in nursing cookies or tigersmilk. It is a great galactagogue and can be easily disguised in baking. Because brewers yeast is a food it can be eaten to taste. Brewer's yeast comes from the Saccharomyces cerevisiae fungus and is a great source of B vitamins, including niacin, pantothenic acid, pyridoxine, folic acid, thiamine, riboflavin, and biotin. Brewer's yeast also contains trace minerals such as selenium and chromium, which are a great health booster for nursing mothers. If you are prone to fungal or yeast infections then brewers yeast may not be for you.

Safe in pregnancy? Yes


Alfalfa Medicago sativa L: This is a galactagogue that helps support the glandular tissue of the breast, and can be taken through the last trimester of pregnancy as well as during breastfeeding. It is available from many health food stores in capsule form. Alfalfa is a wonderful superfood as well, rich in chlorophyll, calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, silicon, zinc-numerous vitamins-A, B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, C, D, E, and K-as well as essential and non-essential amino acids. Make sure you adhere to the dosage advice as it is a mild uterine toner, it has not been linked to any pregnancy complications but it is still better to be cautious.


Safe in pregnancy? Yes – in normal doses


Blessed thistle Cnicus benedictus: Blessedthistle increases the flow of gastric and bile secretion, and is said to increase milk supply by increasing blood flow to the breast tissue. You can get it from health stores as a supplement and should not increase the dose beyond what is recommended as it can act as a purgative in very high doses. For you to harness the digestive benefits you need to have it as a tea or tincture to stimulate your tastebuds with the bitterness.

Safe in pregnancy? No


Goats rue Galega officinalis: This is a great supplement for mothers with insufficient glandular tissue (IGT). Goats rue is a stinky herb that is toxic when fresh but safe when dried. It is also used to balance blood sugar. Should be avoided if you regularly have low blood sugar but fabulous if you have borderline high blood sugar. You can get it at most health food stores as a tea or a tincture.

Safe in pregnancy? No.

Garlic Allium sativum: Garlic does not actually do anything directly to boost supply but several studies have shown that garlic makes the breastmilk more pleasant for babies and as a result they spend more time at the breast. Garlic is an amazing super food so no harm in boosting your intake.

Safe in pregnancy? Yes


Hops Humulus lupulus: Hops are deeply relaxing and are useful in instances where stress is inhibiting let down, hop tea or a hop compress directly on the breast can help. Avoid hops if your baby is overly drowsy as hops are a powerful soporific and may make your baby less easy to rouse.

Safe in pregnancy? No

Nettle Urtica dioica: The function by which nettle improves supply is unknown but there is a long history attached to nettle being an effective milk booster and a number of scientific studies linking it to improved milk output in herd animals. Nettle is  a good source for calcium and iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, sulfur, zinc, copper, chlorophyll, fatty acids, folate, plus vitamins K, B1, B2, B3, B5, C, and E. The minerals in nettle help build blood, and it is a wonderful tonic in the treatment of iron deficiency. Nettle is a fabulous all rounder to take during pregnancy and post partum as it will help with fatigue, blood loss and deficiency. Traditionally it is taken as a tea but you can eat cooked nettle greens or buy it in supplement form.

Safe in pregnancy? Yes

Umbel Seeds

This is a broader category that encompasses Anise, caraway, cumin, dill, fennel, and lovage. These plants all share similar properties. Umbel seeds are believed to promote supply and let down as well as offering digestive benefits for colic in babies. There are substances in them similar to oxytocin and they are mildly relaxing. In one study, umbel seeds tested on rats generated greater mammary tissue growth than was seen with rats on a control diet. Interesting to note, the seed formation of the umbelliferous plants mimics that of the milk glands and ducts in the breast. Because umbel seeds are aromatic the traditional way of taking them is steeped in tea, up to 3 cups a day.

Safe in pregnancy? Not in high doses but teas are fine.

Recipes:


Tigers milk is frequently recommended to nursing mums to improve supply, if nothing else it provides a nutrient dense meal to help nursing mums along. It’s a recipe first created by Adele Davis, in her book "Lets Get Well" (which was written in about 1970's) and included milk, milk pwder, malt, raw egg, wheatgerm and brewers yeast. 

This is my version of her recipe.

Soak overnight: 1 tablespoon of pumpkin seeds, 8 almonds and 1 tablespoon of sesame seeds

In the morning strain them and place in blender with 1 banana, ½ teaspoon of  raw cacao, 1 teaspoon honey, 1 heaped teaspoon of brewers yeast, a splash of coconut milk and 1 cup of water. Blend until smooth and drink while nursing. You can use any milk or milk analogue you like instead of water but the nuts should provide enough creaminess to omit it if you want to.


and here is my recipe for delicious lactation cookies.